i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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