Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
