I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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