Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
