umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
