I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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