Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we have officially lost it.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
