Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
