it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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