i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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