we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
