waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
