so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
