Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
