All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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