Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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