I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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