Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
