im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
