My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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