the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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