I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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