im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
