I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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