they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
