Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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