they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
