hell yes lets make some ravioli
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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