Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
