I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
