I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
