I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
