My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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