you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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