hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
