My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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