Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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