I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
