Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
