hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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