where am i from again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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