Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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