Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
