Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
