I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
