Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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