I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
