ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
