just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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