They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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