Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
