Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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