he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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