i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
