I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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