Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
