guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
