And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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