I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found your dick twin last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
