remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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