I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
