I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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