we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
