after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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