Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
