I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
