every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
